Am I getting old?

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.  People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.  Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn’t make it to the gym today.  That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”.  I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment.  Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is ”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights”!  I’m just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.  We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself.  Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager (Senior teenager).  I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.  I don’t have to go to school or work.  I get an allowance every month.  I have my own pad.  I don’t have a curfew.  I have a driver’s license and my own car.  And I don’t have acne.  Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

Hat tip to an old college classmate.

On growing older, but not necessarily wiser

Time for something lighter.  These two items were sent to me some time back by my old friend Larry Lack.

GOD’S PLAN FOR AGING

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach and stretch.

And God looked down and saw that it was good

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.

God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Thoughts about youth and age

 

John Pennington: My Great Wisdom at 75

1. I learned at age eleven, at the sunburned end of the first day the public pool was open, that pale skin is not superior.
2. Real food has one ingredient.
3. Never buy food from someone who gets an annual bonus.
4. There is nothing corporations won’t do for profit. Take toothpaste. What used to be one or two kinds per manufacturer now takes up ten feet of shelf space because they now make the same stuff in twelve different flavors.
5. The US is a great place, a huge country with astonishing and beautiful things to experience.
6. The US is a lousy place where only money matters, plagued by too many people who view themselves as chosen because they have a lot of it.
7. The US has been a bully from Day One. Every two years on average we invade a small country in order to seize its riches, destroy its government, and impoverish its people.
8. By 20 I was sure I was a mature adult. It turned out that wasn’t exactly true.
9. Hatred is an equal opportunity religion. Every religion has followers who somehow miss the central message about love, tolerance, and compassion, and spend their time murdering people they don’t know.
10. Revenge is equally stupid, with the same result.
11. Politicians should be amateurs who go home when their sentence is up.
12. Corporations, like religions, should be prohibited in politics entirely.
13. Money isn’t speech. Speech is speech. Corporations aren’t people. People are people.
14. Fundamentalist Christians are trying to impose their version of Sharia on us.
15. Gay is not a “lifestyle”. Your kids can’t be “recruited”, either.
16. You’re not going to look great when you get old. Don’t worry about it.
17. The older you get, the more weird things grow on your body.
18. Every abortion marks a failure. Regardless, anti-abortionists should get the hell out of your womb.
19. I’ll worry about abortion when all of the 13,000 daily unnecessary deaths of living, breathing children cease to happen because anti-abortionists did something about it.
20. People who are a lot smarter than you are not necessarily right, and the world is full of rich fools.
21. You can be happy at any age. Unfortunately, you can also be unhappy at any age, but happy is better so let yourself be happy if you can.
22. Spanish is not a foreign language. The US is not America. Puerto Ricans are not immigrants.
23. Immigrants should learn the prevailing language of their new country. In much of the US that language is Spanish, and the immigrants are Anglos.
24. There is no official language in the US. If there were to be, perhaps it should be Navajo.
25. Being dead is no big deal, and worrying about it is a waste of time. Now, dying is another matter. If you want to worry, worry about dying. But that won’t change anything either, so why bother.
26. The older you get, the more time you have.
27. Everything changes. Everything.
28. All of humanity is of no consequence. Neither is the Earth, or even our solar system. In fact, our Milky Way Galaxy, where the closest of uncountable stars is much too far for humans to reach in a single lifetime, is only one of billions. This shouldn’t make us feel insignificant. We should feel amazed at being part of this astonishing universe.

Source: My Great Wisdom At 75 from Class War in America.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb on age and wealth

Nassim Taleb

As you age, or get richer, you have more duties than privileges, especially if you have the physical, financial or intellectual means.  There is nothing more debasing than a rich old person trying to hide his age and chasing culinary (and other) pleasures; there is nothing more dignified than an experienced aged person who is now a resource for society (broad or narrow), with the respect-worthy role of the “elder”.  And in general, no privilege without obligation, and no obligation without respect.

             ==Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

Hat tip to AZspot.

The story of my life

via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.